The Way Home
by criminalprofiler101
Summary: But she loved her. Despite it all, she still loved her. Xena gropes with her conflicting emotions over Gabrielle and only time will tell if the rift between them will ever close. Alternate to "The Bitter Suite"


Chapter One

_"Why don't you sing?! You'd be a shoo in!" Gabrielle asked, her eyes lighting up at the prospect of listening to her best friend belt out the melodies that seemed to come so naturally to her. Xena smiled, twirling the knife she was holding between her fingers. _

_ "No! I sing when I'm moved, when there's some emotion behind it. A beauty contest does not move me," she said, shaking her blonde wigged head._

_ Gabrielle groaned. "All right, as a fellow artist I can understand that." Xena found herself smiling again, watching her as she paced around her quarters, her nose crinkled in that way that showed she was deep in thought, her gingers scratching the side of her head, and she thought she was perfect. Utterly, absolutely perfect. She felt her heart swelling with affection, and she thought she might be able to sing right now, just because this girl moved her so. _

None of that had changed, in a whole year. She still sang with the weight of emotion behind it, and she stood now at the top of a snowy mountain she'd spent all night climbing. It had been her first night alone in two and a half years. The silence had been deafening, making her grief, and her hurt, and her feelings of betrayal all too real. So she'd climbed, to the highest altitude she could think of, trying to get away from it all, now belting out the familiar syllables to the words sung so frequently by her mother when she was small and carefree, back in Amphipolis where none of this existed. None of her pain existed.

As her mouth moved to form the words to the next verse, she felt that all too familiar prickling on the back of her neck, the hairs standing on edge. She squeezed her eyes shut; exhaling loudly as she realized that sensation could only mean one horrible thing. She was in the presence of a god.

"What!?" She yelled, anger and frustration tinting her hoarse voice, "What do you want?!"

"Oh Xena," The God of War crooned, stepping out of the proverbial shadows and into her view, his jet black hair becoming flecked with ever dropping snow just like hers was.

"What are you doing?"

"Go away Ares," she said, her voice cracking with emotion. She didn't have time for this; she didn't want to deal with him. Her son was dead. She didn't need him to remind her of that, or trivialize it, simply because he held no regard for any mortal life.

"You're standing up here, wallowing, because your son is dead!" He said, his deep voice breaking through her foggy mind.

"Don't remind me!" She yelled, whipping her head around to glare at the slightly taller god.

He wore his usual self-confident smirk, undeterred by her hateful countenance, his dark brown eyes glowing with a heady combination of power and lust. One she once willingly subscribed to. And she'd be lying if she said she wasn't feeling the tug again, stronger than ever, right now.

"Now, now, Xena," Ares said, stalking towards her, "No need to get testy-" His sentence was cut off abruptly as Xena lunged forward, slapping him across the cheek with the force of Zeus himself. He closed his eyes in mock anger, feeling the sting of the slap reverberating across his face, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth with a resounding pop.

"Listen to me Xena," he said, his voice losing its playful, sensual edge and taking on a dangerous harshness.

"What could you possibly have to say that wouldn't make me want to hurl you off this cliff?" She asked, the all familiar malice lacing her words but her eyes lacked their usual spark. They were icy blue, but instead of swirling with their usual fire, they were tinged with the overwhelming, horrific grief she had suffered mere hours ago.

"Are you tired yet?" he asked, stepping even closer to the weary warrior, "Of pretending this 'good' trip you're on is really you? I know you, Xena. I know who you really are." There was no denying the fierce passion in his voice, the way his eyes glinted with promises of the future. Xena closed her eyes, trying to ward the feelings off. That only made it worse. She could feel that ever present maniac desire creeping upwards towards the surface. She tried to push it down, ignore it like she always did, but now, with the rage she already felt, and Ares' gruff voice husking in her ear she couldn't ignore it. She couldn't. He was right. She wanted blood. Desperately. She wanted _her_ blood covering her hands.

"Are you just going to let the woman who killed your child get away with it?" He said, continuing to egg her on. He knew she had never been closer to coming back to him than right now, and all she needed was that extra push to send her over the edge. He relished the idea of watching her tear that irritating blonde limb from limb.

Xena's eyes snapped open, the grief in them had increased exponentially, but this time, something else tinted her eyes. Vengeance. Ares grinned triumphantly.

"No," she said, steeling her nerves and slipping easily into the persona she had spent a good portion of her life as. This was not the Xena that Ares had been observing for the past two and a half years. Oh, no. This was the Xena of old. This was jaded, wild, murderous Xena. This was the Destroyer of Nations.

"No I'm not."

* * *

Every time one of Argo's hooves hit the ground, her rage seemed to get more and more potent. There was a thin haze of hatred covering her eyes, and she willed Argo faster and faster, urging him closer to the Amazon village that, unfortunately for them, was her destination. She had one thing on her mind. Gabrielle. She was going to make her pay for what she did.

She howled, letting her battle cry loose as she vaulted off her horse and into the pack of assembled Amazons poised to attack after hearing Ephiny's warning call.

"Amazons, attack!" A feral grin crossed Xena's face. She didn't mind mussing up a few faces—or killing a few—to get to the person she wanted. She really admired the Amazon code of loyalty.

She pulled her sword from its sheath on her back, twisting her body as she lashed out, slicing through the sinewy flesh of the first Amazon in her way. She grinned as the woman dropped, and she punched the next one, kicking her left leg out and catching another Amazon in the stomach as she approached from behind.

"Where, Ephiny!" Xena screamed over the heads of approaching attackers, seeing real fear in the eyes of the stand in queen, "Where is she?" At that, Xena watched the curly blonde Amazon's resolve thicken. Her eyes flashed dangerously and Xena let out a cackle as she slid the blade of her sword into a brunette, watching her fall backwards in shock, blood spurting from her wound.

"No where you'll get to her!" Ephiny shouted back. Xena smiled evilly. That stupid, naïve Amazon. Xena _always_ got what she wanted. Didn't she know that? And if she didn't, well, Xena was about to school her in the ways of the warrior princess.

Her body propelled forward, and it would have been a magnificent sight had she not been wielding her sword with deadly purpose. She kicked forward, slitting the throats of two Amazons with one swipe of her calculating blade. They clutched at their throats uselessly, their blood spraying forward, catching Xena's face and chest.

She felt the warm, hot blood trickling down the side of her face and, Gods, it had been too long since she had thoroughly enjoyed a fight like this. She relished the blood on her face, the weight of her blade in her hand, the fear in their eyes as she just seemed to gain strength, barely breaking a sweat as she sliced roughly forward with a skill and precision known to no other warrior in the Known World.

The rapid creaking of a hut door opening tore her focus from destroying all the Amazons ordered by Ephiny to stand their ground. As she turned her head towards the sound, she was rewarded with a determined looking Joxer holding a dejected, sad eyed Gabrielle dressed in white in the safety of his arms. Almost immediately, Xena couldn't help but notice how beautiful Gabrielle looked. Her hair silky smooth, cascading over her shoulders, and the stark white of the dress was a gorgeous compliment to her skin tone. And then, like being struck with a sharp sword, another thought crossed Xena's mind.

Gabrielle would look even more beautiful with her pretty throat slit, dark red blood staining the virginal white of the dress. Gabrielle was far from innocent, as the dress suggested, and Xena wanted nothing more than to drag her down where she belonged.

"Joxer!" Epiny yelled, panic in her voice as she noticed Xena's murderous gaze locked on her friend, "Run! Joxer, run! RUN!" The clumsy man turned at the sound of her voice, taking note of the situation immediately, turning on his heel and taking off for the trees, desperate to get Gabrielle away from here.

Xena grinned to herself yet again. He was putting up a fight. Goody. Too bad he was going to lose. With a loud yell, Xena flipped upwards into the air, her feet somersaulting over her head. She landed gracefully on her feet in front of Joxer.

Panicking, he put Gabrielle down, pushing her to run, placing his body between the two of them to give Gabrielle a fleeting chance to disappear into the woods.

"Get out of the way," she growled, eyes glinting dangerously.

"No," he said, squaring his jaw as he looked defiantly back at her.

"Fine. Have it your way." She brought her fist back, ramming it forward and catching him in the face, the force of the blow knocking him straight to the ground, his head colliding with a rock, and his unconscious body flipped to the side, rolling onto his front.

Gabrielle was frozen. Of course she had always been afraid of the warrior's evil past, of her dark side, but she had never, ever believed the woman would hurt her. She herself had promised that. But Gabrielle was frightened; because she knew her Xena was long gone, replaced by the Xena Xena had never wanted her to meet. And Gabrielle had no doubt this person would kill her without a second glance.

"What's a matter, Gabrielle?" Xena trilled, enjoying the look of utter fear in her prey's eyes as she advanced.

"Please," came Gabrielle's broken voice, "Please don't."

"Please don't!" Xena mocked, observing the subtle flinch in the little Amazon. She stalked forward towards the shaking bard, finding herself inches from the woman who was going to pay dearly for the death of Solan. She was going to kill her, slowly and painfully, and enjoy every second of agony she would be in.

"Xena, please. Please don't do this."

"Shut up!" She lashed out, punching Gabrielle square in the face. The blonde fell to the ground, looking up in pain at the tall warrior that loomed over her. Tears leaked out of her green eyes, and she curled into herself as Xena raised her sword.

"Please don't hurt me."

The plea was so pained, so full of fear, so soft she almost missed it. It cut through Xena's blood lust like a sharp knife, penetrated her haze of rage, pierced her heart. The storm Ares had created broke with such force she almost keeled over as she took in the form of the petite woman curled into herself on the ground, a harsh bruise forming on her cheek, tears falling freely down her broken face, her hands attempting to shield herself from the blow she expected to receive. Xena felt herself break. This was the woman she professed to love. And she had been going to kill her. She had thought herself incapable of ever hurting the little bard who had wormed her way into her heart with her never ending chatter and her optimistic attitude, the little bard who had quickly become everything that mattered to Xena, the little bard who always managed to put a smile on her face and assuage her fears in the deep dark of night. Clearly she'd thought wrong.

The sword slipped out of Xena's hand, crumbling with a loud clang to the ground. The shouts of the Amazons could be heard distinctly as they approached and Xena dropped to her knees, putting her head in her hands and screaming. She rocked herself as tears escaped her eyes, as her broken, grief stricken voice reached Gabrielle's ears.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," she repeated over and over again, her mantra as she punished herself for her actions. She had been so weak. She had turned from her path of redemption, from Gabrielle's path. She had thought only of vengeance, she had thought only of the sweet release Ares could bring her. She had been a hair's breadth away from killing the sweet girl she had fallen in love with. What kind of person was she?

She didn't resist as Ephiny and some other Amazons pounced on her, shoving her body roughly into the dirt, kicking her for good measure. She didn't resist as they pulled her arms behind her back, tying her wrists with rope so tight she was already starting to lose circulation in them.

They pulled her up onto her knees, kicking her in the stomach, chest, face. She let them. Didn't fight back. All she did was cry.

"No!" she heard Gabrielle's frantic voice calling out from somewhere near her, "No! Don't hurt her!"

That was the last thing she heard before she felt a strong fist connect with the side of her head, and the sweet bliss of unconsciousness sweeping her body into its loving embrace.


End file.
